VOCATION.

Mother Teresa always said that our vocation always, is to love.

Okay, well everybody can love. But how can we love better?

With every person it’s different. Every person has their own way of loving. We have different paths and things we need to work on in order for us to love better.

For me, my vocation to love better starts with forgiveness. Until last week, I never knew how much I needed forgiveness and how much I needed to forgive.

“Forgive and forget.” For a long time I thought that I did forgive those who have hurt me. And I also thought that I could just forget all the hurt that I felt.

Lately, it hasn’t been leaving me alone; but I realize that it’s because I’ve still been clinging on to it. I’ve been dragging it with me into the present, too scared and too stubborn to let it go. I always kept hoping that one day someone will just make it disappear or give me a reason to why it all happened. And because I continually brought past mistakes into what is happening now, I’ve hurt the people that I love. I pushed people away thinking that they were just going to hurt me. I kept comparing the past to the present, and because of that, I expected more from that person, and with that came more discouragement. Therefore, I wasn’t loving the person in front of me. I was being selfish & I embraced my past too much that I didn’t open my heart enough to cherish the new blessings that God continually put in front of me. Bottom line is that I wasn’t allowing myself to be loved because I didn’t allow myself to forgive or be forgiven. And how can I love better when I didn’t even love myself.

I want to stop doing this. I want to love better.

I heard this talk last week from a speaker. He explained that one time he went to a restaurant and another family sitting across from him noticed him from church. Out of the kindness of their heart, they paid for his check. And so every time his waitress walked by, he kept waiting for her to drop off his check. And so finally he stopped the waitress and said he wanted to pay. But the waitress explained that the family across from him already paid for it. And because he felt so uncomfortable leaving his table without giving anything back, he insisted on leaving a tip. But the waitress wouldn’t take it, because she said that the family already has taken care of everything. And so he just left with giving two things, a smile and a thank you, because he knew that everything was already paid for.

The thing I got from this story is to remind us that, our sins, our past, our mistakes have been already paid for and the only thing that God wants us to do is smile and be thankful. So many times we feel uncomfortable receiving. It’s so much easier to give because we have that control. As weird as it sounds, Jesus wants us to feel uncomfortable, because in those times, he is calling you to let go, and cling on to him,to trust him. Like our past, we need to let it go, and as uncomfortable as we feel, we need to accept that our past has been already paid for, Jesus has already forgiven us. He loves us so much that forgave us when he died on the cross and continues to do it everyday. We need be willing to accept the love that God has showed us through other people. Yes sometimes it’s an awkward feeling to receive and not give anything back, but cherish that and thank God for that gift of love. BELOVED.. BEloved.

And so this is a lesson for myself. In order for me to love better, I need to forgive and learn how to be forgiven. If God is humble enough to always forgive me, I need to be humble enough to forgive myself and others. I need to know how to receive love in order to give love. I need let go of my past no matter how uncomfortable I feel. I don’t want it controlling me anymore, and so I surrender EVERYTHING to him, and I submit to my Father’s will because I don’t know what I’m doing. All I know is that I want GOD, and nothing else.

This is my vocation, what’s yours?